Til Death Do Us Prat

Creating a ceremony from scratch is no easy task, my friend, but I think we finally have our vows worked out. Let me know what you think.

I Kate, take you Keith to be my husband, to be the Commander in Chief of the nation in my heart, to cross the streams of loneliness, riding on polished saddles of companionship. I hand you the seed packet of my womanhood, that you may have a bumper crop of abounding love. For all eternity.

I Keith, take you Kate to be my wife, to be my pardner on the dusty trail of life, to Fry up the Vittles in my Soul. I promise to always clean off my beard hairs from the sink of your heart, back and forth, forever.

I'm not through with you yet

I am now the proud owner of two new siblings. Ahem. That's right. Some couples go out and buy themselves new cars every few years, or get themselves a yacht. My mother and stepfather are hooked on adopting. I am now the oldest of six (gulp) children ranging in age from 5 to 23. Holy chit.

At first I thought they were out of their ever loving minds for adding to their family at their age, but I think that it will be all right. The kids are sweet and adorable and they can't stop saying "Mommy" and "Daddy". They say the words like they are made of pure gold. J is 5 and talks like JFK.

When he gets nervous or uncomfortable, he says "H-O-P" over and over again. It's his mantra.

The other J is 6 and she is sweet and adorable and has been hoping to be adopted for a long time. Last night was her first night with them and she climbed into bed and kept saying, "Ahh, my own special bed!"


Elijah is pee-dance excited to have two new siblings.






To mark the beginning of their new siblinghood, the three of them took scissors and cut large chunks out of their hair. No one had the heart to yell at them.

Mostly dead all day

If you were searching for me this afternoon, you would have found me making yogurt in the kitchen wearing a bikini and a cold towel on my head. The heat, it makes me whimper.

The yogurt maker is one of the 4356 gifts Keith and I received at our shower on Sunday, and I could not wait to try it out.

My little brother Elijah knitted us a potholder


I chilled wit my homegirrls


We oohed




We ahhed


We were kicked in the back by helpful children yelling, "I WONDER what it IS!" as we opened each gift


I think I did a pretty good job of not grimacing with the help of my good friend, Mimosa. Thanks Mims.


Overall, it was a wonderful party and Keith and I were touched by all the love man, all the love.

Behold the before:


Behold the after:



Thank you, and good night.

it's hard out here for a wimp

My answering machine is apparently feeling overwhelmed too. I don't want to say anything because the perky female voice is so cheery and sure of herself when she announces that the message was left at...1:44 A...M. I don't have the heart to tell her that I don't believe her.

I am actually better now. I took some Abilify and now I feel more...able. I also got some stuff done. It's amazing how the stress level goes down when you get shit done.

Keith and his mom are driving up tomorrow and our bridal shower is Sunday. I'm nervous because I hate opening presents in front of people. Even when I love the gift, my face gets locked in a red, pointy grimace and I emit a little squeak or gurgle rather than, "Oh thanks! napkin rings!" It's gonna be ugly.

My neighbors are arguing about whether or not the sun is straight up in the sky. "Oh. Fine, just as long as you're right, Nancy, that's all that matters. GOD!"

I can't wait for married life.

losing my mind

These days my life is all about the frantic phone calls from Keith at Home Depot, "We have to pick the cabinets NOW because the walls are going to be framed next WEEK! This dishwasher has a Sabbath Timer! DO WE NEED THAT??" as I run to Home Depot's website and try to locate the items he is looking at.

Crazy wedding nightmares haunt me each night in which I usually have forgotten about the wedding and here it is, 2PM on the Big Day and I am shopping for groceries when I realize.

I want to lose weight and look fabulous in my dress, but I can't stop stress eating.

It's also just starting to sink in that I am moving in two months. Two more months and then goodbye Portland, all my friends and family.

Job hunting. I'm job hunting long distance.

And my last term at PSU starts Monday.

No wonder my left eye won't stop twitching.

Come out come out wherever you are

Do you ever have one of those butch days? I am having a very butch day. No matter what I do, I can't seem to find my femininininity. I have been walking around all day feeling like the manliest bull-dike in the neighborhood. I wish I had some lipstick...

I haven't blogged in the past few days because I really have nothing to say. Except that my left eyelid is twitching like you wouldn't believe. It's been twitching non-stop for the past few days. I need an eye patch or a sedative or something.

Will someone come over and make me a cocktail? Help me find my blog mojo while you're at it.

How about this? Does this creep you out?

sam_max
Originally uploaded by decaturnc.

Huh? He's just a baby! A mildly creepy but still adorable baby! You people make me sick.

Baby lust

Orfeusz
Originally uploaded by syla.

I think this child is named Orfeusz. Hmmm. How do you pronounce that? He is so cute it should be illegal.

Bloggercoaster

To break this blogger's block, I am just going to write any old drivel that seeps out of my brain and splatters onto my sticky keyboard. Ew.

You see, for the past few weeks I was on a blogging roller coaster and we were all like, "whee!" and "yeehaw" and such and then I think a bolt came loose and everything went flying and the ride was over. Does that make sense?

Moving on, I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, "Yeehaw is not a foreign policy"

Moving on, no, my knee cap does NOT feel better because yes, I miss Keith and I might explode in the near future.

I am worried about Mollie. She is particularly crotchity today and she winces when she yawns. I noticed this morning that one of her teeth is cracked in half and the bottom half is dangling precariously by a thread and I just don't think I can take it any more.

We had a little visitor come into our lives on Thursday. She was a very cute puppy named Kona, and I wanted to keep her and name her Blur. She would not stop moving.



Mollie was NOT impressed with Blur


Blur's visit made me realize that Mollie is getting old, and I'm getting old, and we are all going to die.

I can't seem to feed myself when I am alone. I sit on the couch while my tummy growls and I can't figure out what to do about it. I want to inject myself with food so that I don't have to worry about cooking. I love to cook for other people, but when I am alone it doesn't seem worth the trouble.

YAY! Happy Weekend!

whine and cheese

The only bad thing about visiting my handsome serial killer fiance is the fact that the visits always end. This long distance thing is starting to get old. It hurts in fact. I feel a sharp pain in my knee cap. And my forearm. My knee cap misses Keith and it is crying out for his loving touch.

I know, I know, we will be getting married at the end of the summer and then we will be together forever and get totally sick and tired of each other, blah blah blah. But I want to be with him NOW. I don't want to stay here and work and finish school. I HATE it and I WANT to DIE.

Blog Lag

I'm back from a whirlwhind trip to Los Angeles (The Angels) for my Future Sista In Law, Taylor's gradumacation and lordy, I just don't know where to start.

I was hoping to experience at least one celebrity sighting, and I was blessed with three!

1)Steve the Seagull


2)The Cute Elderly Lady who danced with Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers


3)Julia Louis-Dreyfuss (Sorry, no photo)

Steve was very polite, signed an autograph, chatted a bit, and flew off.

The Wedding Crashers Granny is the actual Granny of Taylor's roommate, and I chatted with her a bit at the graduation, but did not ask her about the movie.

Julia Louis-Drefuss almost knocked me down in a Santa Monica shopping center. She was walking very quickly with her son. After she passed us, I freaked. "Ohmy. Ohmygod. J... That was Julia...Julia Louis-Drefuss! Her son! With her son! Shop...Shopping!" By the time I got it all sorted out in my mind, it was dark and everyone had gone home.

The graduation was beautiful, intimate, tender.


Here is Taylor tearing up, listening to Congressman Pasty McWhitey talk about debt reform or campaign finance harm reduction, or vote for me someday and I'll give you a tax break.


And here she is pondering the past, present future, thinking about how it all goes by so fast.


Keith looked devastatingly handsome in his aunt's visor.


He is such a proud and supportive big brother.



When I first got off the plane and Keith was waiting for me, his long hair surprised me a bit. After a while, I realized that he is just growing it out so that he can have options for his wedding hair style. He is torn between a fabulous updo, and a Serial Killer look


or maybe a little Trailer Park Chic


with perhaps some Deranged Psychopath thrown in


and a touch of Innocent School Girl


with a dollop of Crippling Depression on the side


After the graduation ceremony we went to Universal Studios Surreal Fake City Place and walked around for a while. We all got massaged by some chairs, and we bonded.
Me with Keith,

Taylor with her boobs,

and Kathy with some chopsticks.