new opsit

wine is gooood.

Seegars

I am smoking cigars with Keith and his dad on this beautiful night at the ranch. Oh. THe beaity. Im happily comsing gin and tonics and wine and cigars. Thereis jazz playing and itsdark now. MMac the dog is being good. This screen is bright and theres wiresless intermet o the proch . . Keiths alling john livenss and he wants talyoe to see him.

Keith jumpped in the pnd today an d got pondy and mucky an dscummy. He just jumpoes in and I got pictures and I will post them on flickre when I can.

We victes his grandparents this mornign nd his granda maid his wine rack. It was really nice and the plack was for red and white and the hard stuff.

Keith said wow youre grammers really bad.

He needs to brush is teeth before bed because they smeel like cigars. Can you smell my breathjj frmo here> yes I can.

TRhis is fone.


Beace you

The Word of the Cross

Like I said, I don't have anything to say. I am going to California tomorrow with Keith to visit his family in Paradise. I might post while I am there, but I'm not making any promises. We will be back in 10 days.

A what? A blog? Me?

Hi there. Sorry I forgot about my blog.

I have been so busy doing so much nothing that I couldn't stop.

The truth is, nothing seems blogworthy anymore. I almost wrote this whole long story about how I was driving along yesterday and realized that my left underwire in my bra was missing. GONE! POOF! and I looked all lopsided. There was no hole in my bra. I have no idea where it went, but it was gone. So I drove right over to Target and bought myself a new one. Because I had nothing better to do.

Um.

We went to this restaurant on Tuesday night and I have been trying for 2 days to make sense of what happened in my mind before writing it down, but I can't really, so here goes.

I hate shrimp. I noticed that the place smelled like shrimp from the street outside. I should have backed out then, but Keith and I had a $10 gift certificate there (10! Dollars!) and we wanted to check it out.

We were seated at the table closest to the loud kitchen. During our three and a half hour visit, we could hear the cooks horsing around and the waiters complaining about customers.

Keith didnt realize that this was a fondue, cook-everything-yourself-and-then-pay-out-the-nose-for-it kind of restaurant. He was confused by the burner that was crowding our tiny table. We kept having to shift everything around in order to fit it all on the table. Anything that wasnt immediately being used was placed on the booth or on the floor.

The menu was quite stressful to read. Keith got an anxiety attack just trying to figure out the different options. He hadnt even glanced at the wine menu yet.

The waiter came and explained the different options to us, and we realized that we were not going to get out of there without parting with at least a hundred bucks. Keith's back started spasming.

I finally took over and ordered for us.

The waiter brought out the cheese fondue, which was lovely. We began to relax and enjoy ourselves, sipping nice wine and lovingly stabbing one another with our fondue tongs.

But then the waiter brought out a huge plate of raw meat and about 16 different batters and sauces. He explained rapidly that this goes best with the duck on your top right, which should be cooked for exactly 1.5 minutes, while this other batter should be used with the pork on the bottom right. Dont cook that for more than 2 minutes, and on and on. Our brains fuzzy with wine, we attempted to remember the cooking style and sauce and time for each option, but we started panicking when we realized that the waiter was going to walk away and leave us, slightly intoxicated, with a huge platter of raw food and a vat of boiling oil.

"Okay, no, that's the duck. It goes with this batter. Ah! Dont just drop it in like that! Wait, I'll use my cell phone to time it. How long was the duck supposed to take?"

Keith frantically stabs at the now unrecognizable blobs of batter in the vat.

"I cant tell if it's done. I'm just taking them all out"

He spears the blobs and tranfers them, dripping oil, onto his plate.

"I can't tell if this is duck or pork or a potato"

I am no help. I'm laughing uncontrollably and snapping fuzzy, dark photos of random blobs of batter.

If this were our first date, we probably wouldnt have gone out a second time with one another.

Everything tasted the same after being smothered in batter and fried to hell.


And we ended up leaving Keith's cell phone there.

This story sounded so much better in my head. I'm gonna go take a nap.

Allergy dreams

We saw Wedding Crashers last night. I...I have no words. I just can't.


I became aware of the fact that I always feel very sexy as I exit movie theators. Don't ask me to explain it.



I know you are all dying to know what I dreamed about last night. All right, fine.

I dreamed that I was at a Mexican art gallery, checking out their latest Mexican Orthodox Iconography exhibit. Of course, I ran in to the priest from the church I attended when I lived in Mexico and, as he stepped out of his limo onto the gallery floor, he confessed to me that he was gay. He looked very sad about it. "I got married" he said. "This is my new husband" Out of the limo limped a grisly, hunchbacked ogre of a man with yellow crooked teeth. Fr. Pedro started wailing about how his life hadn't turned out like he planned it.

This was getting too heavy for me, so I crawled through one of the many trapdoors between the paintings and continued the race with all my running mates (including some of Keith's friends from California) and almost won. Almost.

Cat Man

The market was fun. People liked the earrings and I sold lotsa danishes and coffee cake.

It would have been more fun if Cat Man had shown up as he is apparently known to do on a Saturday. Even Cat Man needs pastries and Waldorf dolls. He lives here on the island. I really hope I run into him. Well, not literally. Those metal whiskers must be sharp.

There's an article about him here.

Oh, and one more thing

Jeez, I am turning into Lucky Spinster here.

How do all of you keep track of your blogs? I recently started using bloglines which keeps track of who is posting and lets you know so that you aren't obsessively going to www.smartypants.diaryland.com* and checking to see if she's updated. Not that I do that or anything.

I was just wondering how those of you who read lots of blogs keep up on them.

Now I'm really done.



*That was a bad example because her blogline feed is all screwed up and I end up checking her site anyway.

Hold it right there

Okay, who was it that searched for, "before the ice was in my grill before i got my major deal" and got this blog? What is that about?

Also, I get at least one hit per week from a search for "monster facials". I don't understand.

Swimmydipping

I stole the title from Jess. Sue me. Just remember that the French press is mine.

Did we really decide to break into the pool at Jess's prestigious university at 11:30 on Wednesday night and go skinnydipping in the cold, cold water? I cant remember because I had to get up so friggin early the next morning to come to The Island.

I dreamed last night that I was engaged to a republican gubernatorial candidate and single father of one bratty four year old boy. I woke up mighty relieved.

Today's activities with the parental unit here on the island will include: swimming at the lake that is literally yards from his front door, making danishes and coffee cake to sell at the Farmer's Market tomorrow, barbequeing on the beach at sunset, reading, etc.

Don't kill me when I get home.

Hey!

Hi everybody,
I forgot to tell you that I was leaving town. I'm at my dad's house right now on an island somewhere. I am sure I will have much to tell when I get back on Monday.

Now with Gigglastic waistbands!

I feel like a stay at home mom without all the pesky kids.
I guess I could start telling people that I'm a stay at home mom to a very demanding family of worms. They require so much of my time and energy. None of them are sleeping through the night yet, and they hate having to stay in the worm bin.


It's weird not to have to do anything at all. I guess I could be ridding the house of its ever increasing piles of crap. Or I could bake something. Or take out the garbage. But I think I'd rather read more blogs and watch daytime tv.

Muchas Grassy Ass

Thanks to Coffee Geek for fixing my blog. Where would I be without all my computer savvy friends? I shudder to think of it.

We went to the beach this weekend. That was fun. It was foggy and cold and I only packed a tank top and my swimsuit for the whole weekend. What kind of Oregonian am I? We talked our heads off in our cramped little cabin the entire time. Photos are on their way.

I know, I know

Yes, my blog looks a little funny right now, with the white stopping and the green taking over, but I promise that the Couch Team is working on it.

Unemployed Woman Walking

I feel funny. It could be the massive hamburger I had for lunch, or it could be that I now find myself to be completely unemployed.

I couldnt have asked for a better last day. We took our clients to the local science museum. Its always fun to take gang members to geeky places. They secretly enjoy it and play with the cool exhibits, but they would die if you knew they thought it was anything other than l-a-m-e.

One of our clients in foster care brought along his foster brother, Anthony. You know how some women can feel their biological clock ticking? Well, hanging out with kids like Anthony makes my adoption clock tick extra loud. He's nine and the coolest future scientist/math teacher I've ever met. Decked out in Blazer gear from head to toe, and sporting a pink rubber breast cancer bracelet ("It means love from Jesus"), Anthony hopped in the van. After formally introducing himself with a firm handshake, he handed me a CD and instructed me to play it. "Its Lil' Bow Wow. No bad words. Trust me. I love basketball". I couldnt say no. As soon as "H to the Double Oh P" came on he said, "Aww yeah, turn that baby up!"

At the museum, he kept running from one exhibit to the other and asking me, "So, was that your favorite exhibit, because I'm thinking maybe it was mine"

When asked what his favorite kind of food was, he replied, "Lobster. Because its moist"

We watched an Omnimax movie on Lewis and Clark and Anthony was captivated the entire time. Afterwards at lunch, he said, "I LOVED the part where Lewis looked at Clock and then back at the ocean and then it went black and white. That was dope"

When our food arrived, he said, "Wait a minute guys, we need to take our hats off and pray"

As we pulled up back at the center, he said, "Whoever had a good time, so did I"

You can't spend the day with sunny little kids like Anthony and not have it impact you profoundly. That was what life was like on a daily basis in Mexico. Its funny how quickly you forget. I think about Anthony and all the others just hanging out in foster care, waiting. Each year becoming less and less 'adoptable'. If I werent a single, 22 year old unemployed college student living in a small apartment, I would be calling his caseworker right now.



It was strange leaving work. Even though I have been dreaming about this moment since I put in my notice 2 months ago, I still feel a little sick about walking away from a place that I've invested 2 years of my life in.



Things I will miss about work.
1) Perpetual Garage Sale Man (more about him later)
2) Clients
3) Families of clients
4) Speaking Spanish
5) Air conditioning
6) Paychecks
7) Paid vacation time
8) Quotes! Lovely, beautiful, delicious quotes from my superiors ("get me a posty note", "multifacetless", "intuitously")
9) Having an interesting answer to the questions, "So what do you do?" (Drug and alcohol treatment for adolescent Spanish speaking gang members. You know, its just a job until I finish school)

Things I will not miss about work
1) Both of my bosses
2) The white noise machine*
3) Boring meetings
4) Politics
5) Having to wake up and then get dressed and leave my home
6) Whiny teenagers


And I'm spent.

*An obnoxious machine they turned on outside of offices when they didnt want us to hear what was going on.

Okay that's enough

I dont know why all of a sudden the spammers came out of the woodwork, but I think its time to change my settings. Hopefully this will help

Brutal

IMG_0424
Originally uploaded by 1flintstone.

I have to be honest with you all. I was quite intoxicated at the wedding last week. This is one of the nicer photos of my drunkenness. There are also some shameful dancing photos. The worst part? These photos were taken by Keith's family.

That's my boyfriend

P8053107
Originally uploaded by DogMilque.

This was worth coming back for

Sweet! I just got my first spam comments! 3 of them! How did I get to be so lucky?

Too pissed for titles

What is up with my template?? It stops being white halfway down. I am sick of this blogging shit. I quit

Now we really have to move

ring ring

Landlord: "Hi Kate"

Kate: "Hi landlord, its Kate"

Landlord: "Right"

Kate: "Um, yeah, so Keith mentioned you came by on Saturday morning"

LL: "Yep"

K: "Um, so I know it must have been a little disconcerting to show up to mow the lawn and discover several people asleep on it and then knock on our door and have it answered by my boyfriend in his pajamas holding a giant cat with more people asleep in the living room"

LL: "Yeah, he said you weren't home"

K: "Oh. Right! I was out for a run with Jess. We like to run on Saturday mornings. I mean, we run pretty much every Saturday morning. Well, most anyway. Jess has a pretty crazy work schedule and sometimes we're just too tired, but we like to keep in shape for 5k runs and we are doing the Race for the Cure next month and everything, so, hehe..."

LL: "Exactly how many people did you have staying with you?"

K: "Well, I'm not really sure, it, uh, varied from night to night"

LL: "Huh"

K: "So, anyway, I'm sorry about that, and it won't happen again"

LL: "Good"

...

K: "Well, um, I guess I'll talk to you later!"

LL: "Sure, bye"

K: "Bye!"

Fever Quest

Maybe these are interesting only to me.

This week's search queries that ended up here on the couch:

"monster facials"

"i peed my pants"

"mr rogers makes me cry"

"huge adams apple"

"mike and kat blog"

"OH_UH.com"

"over the couch pictures"

"annie and jenna"

"your body's special and so is mine"

This one goes out to Sean

I had to transport a couple of clients this morning. Whenever we get in the van, the one in the front always reaches for the radio before they even shut the door.

Guess what was playing?

"Mike Jones" "Who?" "Mike Jones"

I think it was a sign. Of what I don't know.

Yargh

Our tile floor has been stained a nice, even wine color. It's pretty, but sticky.

As a result of the week we gained a jean jacket, a case of Coors Light, something under the couch that we don't have the strength to fish out and a broken guitar string. That sucks because Jess doesnt know how to restring a guitar.

We are thinking of just moving instead of mopping that damn floor.

And apparently its finals week.

I uploaded new Flickr photos on the sidebar, enjoy.

How they must have felt

IMG_2711
Originally uploaded by soytyka.

So drunk

IMG_2709
Originally uploaded by soytyka.

Bachelors

IMG_2687
Originally uploaded by soytyka.

Yardguests

IMG_2750
Originally uploaded by soytyka.

Overheard

In New York

12-14 black men

So our houseguests have multiplied. In fact, the overflow has spilled out into the yard. I guess they are yardguests.

I know, I said I would post photos. It's been a little crazy what with all this hoopla at the house and me still working and going to class and trying to write papers with crazy drunk people running around and shouting
"what's goin' on in America?"
and
"What Ciabbatta 'bout?" with their mouths full of Ciabbatta bread, spewing it out on the floor at the hilarity of their clever joke.

Its amazing that I have found the time to write a 5 page paper, bake a coffee cake for a meeting at work and embarrass myself by picking Keith's parents up from the airport while slightly intoxicated.

I will post photos, though. As soon as I find my camera cord. I think I spied it under someone's foot.

Tag Blogging

Part two

6-8 black men

Oh dear lord. Can someone turn the lights down? I keep forgetting where I am. I got barely four hours of sleep last night. I had to leave the house at 6:45. It hurts.

Last night was Tyler's bachelor party. I'm a girl. I'm not supposed to participate in these sorts of things. I ended up being way more involved than I thought I would be.

Their plan was to go wine tasting all day and then go clubbing all night. I guess they never really worked out what to do between the wine and the clubs, so they decided to come over to my house. Drunk. And lie moaning on the lawn.

It became clear that they needed to eat something, so they elected to go to the grocery store down the street and bring back food to grill. They all stumbled over there, not really understanding exactly what was going on and apparently walked around the store for a while, confused, calling each other and asking,
"wait, what are we doing here again?"
"where are you guys?"
"I'm in the dairy aisle"
"where?"
"what?"
"who all is here?"
"why are we doing this?"

They finally returned, each clutching an item such as a bunch of asparagus, or a package of tofu riblets, 2 sausages, or a massive amount of chicken.

We fired up the grill, and cooked them some food. Then they sat around, chewing, napping, half-heartedly wrestling.

I had planned to go out with some friends, and got ready to head out. Keith called a cab to get his friends downtown for some club action. They had 7 guys. He told the cab company this, and asked if this was okay since the largest cab holds six people.
"You can lie to me" the cabbie said.
"I can't do that" Keith said.
"Just lie to me"
"I can't"

his went on for a while and then they decided to just send a cab anyway, and as I was pulling out of the driveway, the guys crawled into the cab, ready for their night on the town. Just before they left, Keith said, "keep your phone on, I might need you to come pick me up"

I went out with my friends, we had a nice time over bottle of wine.

Keith called and asked that I come get him. "Some of the other guys might need a ride too"


I had Jess with me, so that left 3 seats available in my car. I asked Bronwen if she was willing to follow me downtown and give the rest of the guys a ride. She agreed.

We drove downtown, Keith calling every minute or so to say,
"we're on 3rd and Stark, no, 4th and Stark. I can't keep everyone together. Guys! Where are you going??"

A muffled "....salsa dancing"

I finally find them. Well, half of them, and we pile in both cars.



So much more happened, but this post is getting too long.

Jess, you fill in the rest on your blog. All I remember is Steve leaving the house for a while and then reappearing with 5 bottles of Sessions in a cardboard Sierra Navada six pack holder. And a cat. There was a HUGE cat wandering around the house. Maybe I dreamed that part.



All I know is that I awoke this morning to find the front door flung wide open and two fully clothed guys passed out in the living room. The cat was nowhere to be found.



I'm going to take a nap under my desk.



And yes, I have pictures. And I will be posting them later on today.

Aww Shucks

I just read this post on Jesse's blog.
Thanks for the memories, my good buddy.

Me! Me! Me!

Tagged by Jesse

Three names I go by:
1. Kate
2. Katy
3. Tyka


Three screen names I've had:
1. Soytyka
2. Soytyka
3. Soytyka

Three physical things I like about myself:
1. Freckles
2. Recently toned legs
3. Butt-chin

Three physical things I don't like about myself:
1. Hair
2. Whatever ailment I currently have
3. Tummy

Three parts of my heritage:
1. Eye-rish
2. Injun
3. Okie

Three things I am wearing right now:
1. Earrings I made myself
2. My tattoo
3. Fake smile

Three favorite bands/musical artists :
1. Uncomfortable Lull
2. Asylum Street Spankers
3. Postal Service

Three favorite songs:
1. Forever, Ben Harper
2. The Promise, Tracy Chapman
3. Guero, Beck

Three things I want in a relationship:
1. Nose picking
2. Coffee, abundance of
3. Sunburned skin, moisturization

Two truths and a lie:
1. I decided not to quit my job
2. I love swimming
3. My car smells like death

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to you:
1. back
2. teeth
3. arms

Three favorite hobbies:
1. earring making (it also makes me nauseated)
2. gardening
3. baking coffeecake

Three things I want to do badly right now :
1. Win the lottery
2. Swim
3. Pick my nose

Three things that scare me:
1. Childbirth
2. Foam
3. Cotton balls

Three of my everyday essentials:
1. Water
2. Lotion
3. Chapstick

Three Careers you have considered or are considering :
1. Adoption case worker
2. Child Life Specialist
3. Child Therapist

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Italy
2. Brazil
3. Greece

Three kids' names you like:
1. Harmonica
2. Dijonaisse
3. Formica

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. Adopt
2. Reconcile my relationship with God
3. Start a non-profit

Three ways I am stereotypically a boy:
1. I love to build things and put stuff together
2. I love 'em and leave 'em
3. I don't really like shopping

Three ways I am stereotypically a girl:
1. Oh my god, I love earrings
2. I knit
3. I like lotions and face scrubs and mud masks

Three celeb crushes :
1. Gael Garcia Bernal
2. Vince Vaughn
3. Brad Pitt (Although, the blond hair is kind of sad)

Three people I am tagging:
Uh, Taylor. And Keith!!!! And Gena

Here it is. Don't ask me how I found it. I originally posted this on Monday

The Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth

I've been really weepy lately. Not so much weepy, but choked up and emotional about the stupidest things. Blog entries about nothing exciting, my mom laughing uproariously, Insane Rosie O'Donnell's blog (I'm serious).

Sometimes the things that choke me up are valid (yesterday at church is a good example of that. I am going to a wedding on Friday. Lord help us all.

I sat on a friend's baby on Friday (see flickr photos) and it got me thinking. I dream about parenting all the time, but sometimes it scares the bejesus out of me and I feel like I wouldnt be very good at it. I am a selfish single person and have no concept of what it is like to be depended upon in that way. Four hours with Katie "I Can Do It My SELF" F. and I am rethinking the whole parenting thing. She is at the stage where she is basically a ticking toddler time bomb. If you flush the toilet after she goes instead of letting her do it, you will pay the price for the next hour. You will relive that moment and ask yourself, "Why? Why did I flush? I know that she can do it. Why didn't I leave the toilet alone?"

She WILL wear her pajamas to the park and she WILL bring her popcicle with her and it MUST be dribbled on her pajamas. There will be no negotiations about the rolling in the sandbox while continuing to clutch the popcicle. The prized piece of poop she picked up off the ground will have to be wrenched from her sticky, sandy fingers.

Most of the time, though, I ache to be a mother. I dream about having a family and having that be my world. I think I need a few years to make sure, though.

Dad, can you repost your comment? Cuz that's gone

Blogssues

So yesterday's post? Gone. Dunno where it went. I know I posted it because I got a comment. But now the entry has completely disappeared.

Gemelos

As a result of yesterday's musings, I dreamed that I unexpectedly adopted twins. It was an unplanned adoption, caught me by surprise. Keith and I had to have a shotgun wedding.

Anyway, as soon as I got them in my arms I started freaking out about not being prepared. Nevermind diapers, carseats or figuring out how to feed them, I needed to get me a Maya Wrap.

I went lugging the babies all over town looking for one. Then I realized that I had twins. How do you wear twins? How am I going to be an attached parent with twins???

Speaking of twins, I was just reminded that as a child I was friends with twins that lived on my block named named Harmony and Melody. They were bad, bad girls. Harmony would impersonate Melody and do something horrible at school. Then Melody would get in trouble at home. It got so bad that their parents would just punish them both all the time because they were tired of trying to figure out who was the real culprit. They had like 12 other kids to keep from breathing fire in the house and drowning younger siblings in the pool. Heh heh, Mormons.

It was always thrilling to go over to their house and witness the madness.