Casserole

My friend J is housesitting for my friend A this weekend and she called me up yesterday to share this horrifying tale with me.
So A has 2 cats and apparently buys the kind of cat litter that J refers to as "that natural shit". I guess it lacks the absorbant qualities of other, more generic cat litters, but is better for the environment. So J is housesitting along, minding her own business when she realizes that the cat litter needs to be changed. Urgently. Being the good friend that she is, J attempts to do the right thing, but the smell is so foul that she begins to gag. Then she vomits. I am not making this up. She vomits right into the cat litter box. She had to run out of the room to avoid more vomiting. She attempts the chore a second and third time, each with the same results. "I kept trying to change it and I kep vomiting! I don't know what to do!" She wailed to me on the phone. After many unsuccessful attempts, she decides there is nothing for it but to simply add more cat litter on top of the vomit and shit. So now it is like a casserole. A disgusting vomit-shit casserole. A gets home tonight.

FRICK!

This is the second time I have done this. I have to stop storing my toothpaste on the shelf above the toilet. Now I have to endure another Fuzzy Teeth Day.

Noooooo

Pope facts

This morning on my way to work, I began musing about the Pope. I was wondering how the guy was doing, what he does for fun, who he hangs out with when he has some down time, what kind of music he listens to, and more importantly, what he might have eaten for breakfast this morning. What do Popes generally eat? I turned on the radio to see if they could enlighten me and lo and behold:
The Pope of Rome had 10 biscuits and a yogurt for breakfast this morning according to the hard hitting reporters on NPR.
He's my kind of guy, the pope. Although he should have added a grapefruit to round out his meal.
Did you know? El Papa is Spanish for the Pope (or potatoe, depending on how you pronounce it)

Oh crap, where'd I put my sadness?

A recent post from Jess (Where is the sadness now?) prompts me to tell the story. I was in therapy for a while, mostly to test out therapy and see what it was like, but also to work on issues. My therapist was a really young guy who looked like the dude from Blue's Clue's. He always wore the same sweater vest and Earth Shoes. He was a young and fairly inexperienced guy and was pretty nervous and awkward. I really liked this because he set me at ease. I didn't have to be nervous, he was doing it for me. Most of the time he would refrain from using too much psychobabble, he was usually pretty down to earth and normal. But one day I was talking about something (I cant even remember what it was now) that made me sad. He looked really concerned and paused for a moment before saying, "And where is the sadness now?". I just laughed and said, "I dunno, (gesturing somewhere near my armpit) here?" Now Jess and I always joke about misplacing our sadness around the house, "K, have you seen my sadness anywhere? I just had it, dammit"

It is glorious outside today. Sunny and breezy and warm. I know this because I walked outside for about 3 minutes on my way to and from lunch. I got back to the office and I wanted to just keep on going, running down the street and on and on. I could have too, because I have on my new lovely green Dansko shoes on. They have magical powers.

Lunch was fun, actually. I went with some coworkers to a fun little German restaurant. I had fondue, of course. I am obsessed with fondue. I have many food obsessions and I tend to be able to live off of one or two of them for weeks at a time. The list includes: adobada (unfortunately only available in Mexico, cant say what's in it, don't really want to know, but oohh baby!) paletas (yummy whole fruit and cream popsicles also only available in Mexico), grapefruit, fondue, half and half, ribs, biscuits, tiramisu, maple cream top yogurt from Trader Joe's (another one of my obsessions), artichoke hearts and chocolate covered pretzels from TJ's. Right I am on a strict grapefruit and maple cream top yogurt diet. Lately its been all I want to eat.

What am I still doing at work? It was time to go 15 minutes ago! Teehee! It looks like I am putting in extra time for the team instead of blogging. I deserve a raise.

snot

So my bf, "The Woodsy Lord" is sitting on the red couch and moaning because he has a cold. I was making fun of his nose blowing techniques (little violent fits of drainage) and he said "why don't you blog about it?" HAH! Don't mind if I do.

A Contrast of Life

An explanation is in order.

This one time, me and Toni and Jess went to Edgefield (a McMenamins Complex of Joy replete with wine and beer and restaurants and gardens and beds and the like) and we attended one of their Acoustic Tunes in the Winery events. We decided it would be fun to write each other notes as we sat there (we couldnt hear each other because of the Tunes). We started writing about this and that, commenting on the people around us and making up stories about their lives. We made up names for them and speculated on their sexual preferences and their chances of getting laid that evening.
Then we met Todd. He was waiting for his wife who was busy at the bar telling people how to sip their wine. Picture a man in white tennis shoes, shorts, a hawaiian shirt and a jacket. A sort of featureless round man with sandy blond hair who looks like he coaches your son's football team. He was loaded. Toni and I were squeezed onto a couch with him and felt obligated to make polite conversation. My, was he friendly. He fell for Jessalynn right away and was in awe of her. He kept saying that she was a great "contrast of life" but couldnt really explain exactly what that meant. He drew a portrait of her that we still have somewhere. He also kept repeating, "you can do anything you set your mind to". He's right.
His wife finally decided to come and retreive him and they went along their way.
We think of Todd fondly now and often recall his words of wisdom. I wonder how he and his wife are doing. I am happy though because I can do anything I set my mind to. Especially since I live with a Contrast of Life.

And your point is?

Yes, as Steve so tactfully put it, I have very fat hands. They are soft and pudgy like baby hands. Steve used to make fun of me relentlessly about it when we lived in Mexico. I was working at an orphanage (like Mother Teresa) and he was making fun of my hands. It really doesnt bother me all that much, I actually kind of like them. Whenever I am offered something delicious and fatty, I always say, "Oh I can't eat that, it will go right to my hands" They make good conversation pieces when faced with an uncomfortable lull. Nobody likes an uncomfortable lull. That would be a good name for a band. "Ladies and Gentleman, opening for Garish and Tweed, let's give it up for Uncomfortable Lull!!!" And then nobody would clap or cheer. There would just be silence. That would be their thing. No one would clap at their shows.

Extra set of shoulders

My roommate Jess often comes home from a long day at work and complains of feeling like she has an extra set of shoulders above her shoulders. I don't get it. She often says that she wishes someone would remove them. I really wish I could.

So happy brog woman

A while ago I discovered this website called Engrish
Check it out. They just take pictures of funny Japanese products with English words on them that dont make any sense. For example, there is a pink baseball cap that says "Is a foolish thing done seiously?" or a t-shirt that says "so much as happy lives lovely as for us"
I have taken to speaking in engrish in my everyday happy life. I will call up my boyfriend and say "you so wonderful man, you bring my life grapefruit in sassafras living" he responds by saying, "Frolic for life under firmly green dinner"
Even we dont know what it means! And then we laugh.

Afternoon!

Folks, I have this little problem.
When my body needs something, it gets it for itself without consulting me. My body kind of operates on its own agenda. Its like the willful child of distracted parents. This often causes me to find myself running around the neighborhood at top speed when I cant remember ever agreeing to a jog. When my body needs excercise, it gets itself some excercise. This gets complicated when I am in church or at work and suddenly start doing jumping jacks during the great entrance or drop to the floor and start doing pushups while giving a client a UA.
So I usually spend the last few minutes before I fall asleep thinking about what I need to accomplish the next day. The items on my agenda last night were:
1) Wake up, preferably in the AM.
2)Make it to my 8 AM class
3) come home, do laundry, study, clean the house, be productive, etc
Not complicated, folks.
This is what I ended up doing:
1) Woke up at NOON after what I assume was a nasty battle with the alarm clock unbeknownst to me
2) Screamed FUCK to the ceiling after realizing that I missed class again
3) Walked out to the kitchen in my underwear
4) Ate an entire grapefruit
5) Ate an entire bowl of tiramisu leftover from a party we had this weekend
6) Plopped down on the couch to check email. (Discovered I had roughly 4200 from my roommate who happens to live with me and therefore see me on a daily basis. Hi Jess!)

This is not the first time my body has done this to me. I have missed some very important appointments and such because my body took it upon itself to get in that extra 6 hours of sleep it was needing. I have telephone conversations in my sleep in which I make important decisions. I feel so left out.

In all its glory 

Strawberry whiff

I have a knack for coming up with great band names. At least, I think so. If you are thinking of starting a band, you should stop by and ask me for some suggestions.
Here are some of the latest:
Girl bands
KiWi
Flapping Panties
Strawberry Whiff
Spooning Bunnies (A. Claims to have come up with this one)
Rap
a duo: MoFo and Lil'Bastard
Random
Tepid Bathwater
Garish and Tweed (with their new hit single "Threadbare") I dont know who came up with this band name. It was either me or Roomie Jess

So I happen to be dating a guy who happens to be starting a band. Did he consult me before deciding on a name? Did he ask me for my input? No. He just up and names his new band "Bad Lieutenant" Apparently its an 'inside joke' with his 'friends'. Whatever.

A little about me

I enjoy the color green, as you can see from my blog motif. I was going to say that I love green, but I have decided that I don't want to be that kind of person anymore. By that I mean the kind of person that says they LOVE everything. You know..."I love fondue and David Sedaris and Jesus and my boyfriend". The English language is so limiting sometimes. There is only one word for love when there are so many varying degrees of love. I often say that I love half and half. I really do have a strong affection for half and half, as anyone who knows me will tell you. Its a borderline addiction. But I would like to start limiting my use of the word to more worthy subjects.
So. That out of the way, I will give you a quick overview of other things I also enjoy. Tiramisu, Batdorf and Bronson coffee, cream of course, brown babies (more later), Mexico (the whole country and everything in it except cilantro), bamboo, Trader Joe's, salsa dancing, sleeping, Dansko clogs, sleeptalking. I will stop there because I keep yelling to my roommate in the other room, asking her what else I like. I cant remember...
Other interesting facts:
Until recently I lived in a little space under my friend's stairs. Like Harry Potter.
I lived in Mexico for two years working at an orphanage. Like Mother Teresa.

Red Couch

I picked this name because I am sitting on our beautiful red couch right now typing this. It is lovely to behold. My roommate (also lovely to behold) and I picked it out together and before we had it delivered we had red couch fever. We would go visit it at the store and run to it and throw ourselves on it to the chagrin (yes, chagrin) of the personnel.

Secrets are fun

Well, hi. This is a secret blog so far, I dont really feel I have anything interesting to say, but I somehow felt compelled to start this. I do have an idea of the kind of blog it will be. No intense, personal, or intensely personal revelations, just silly little tidbits for the enjoyment of my friends. It will probably mostly consist of lists. List of things that annoy me or lists of my strange physical aflictions (more on that later), lists of things my boss has said that dont make any sense. (I will be careful about that one, I've heard the horror stories).